plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
