You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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