My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
