I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize