babies were throwing up all over the place
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
