Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
