Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
