we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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