Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
