Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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