I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
