i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
