is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
