I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
