Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
