i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's like heaven, but drunker
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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