i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My vagina just recognized that song.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
