We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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