he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The uberlube is also flammable
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
