I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
