do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
