How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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