I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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