so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
