I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
