Ambien. No doubt about it.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize