I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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