Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
