Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize