What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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