Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
