I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
