She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
