Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
