I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize