The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
