I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
