Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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