You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
