Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
