I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
