Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
