So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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