Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
