oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
