DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
