Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
