phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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