we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize