Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
