just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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