Cold hands, warm shart.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
