you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
