there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize