We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
