Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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