She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
