Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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