My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
