she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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