Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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