At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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