so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
