Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
