people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
