So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
