At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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