I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
