i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
