I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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