Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
