ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
