someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
