hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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