awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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