you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
