I want to stick my p in your. b.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
