What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
