True but thats because hes a fetus.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
